Men are from Mars...
Those of you close to me may know that I'm not really that fond of men; at least, not your average bloke who watches [American] football all Sunday afternoon, brags about how much beer he drank last night, and whose idea of reading consists primarily of the "articles" in Penthouse and Maxim Magazine. You know who I'm talking about. The kind of guy who will leave the toilet seat up — even at someone else's house! The kind of guy who thinks Al Dente [sic] is that dude from The Sopranos. Whose idea of home cooking is micro-waving a package of Kraft Dinner. The kind of guy... well, you get the idea.Now, if you're reading this, you're likely not this kind of man (particularly so, if you are a woman). I have grown farther and farther apart from this type of man, and I'm at a point where I don't want to be considered a "man" for fear of being stereotyped into what I've described above. What would I like to be called instead, you ask? Yes, you've probably guessed it: a gentleman. Merriam-Webster has a nice defintion: a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior.
My friend, Ryan, and I were having a semi-related discussion recently in which he made a brilliant suggestion: we need to integrate finishing school somewhere during or after elementary and high school. It would seem as if parents no longer teach their children any manners, and our current education system doesn't seem to be of any help in this department either. I am simply appalled by the behaviour I see in boys and men alike. (I'm not saying girls are perfect, but they are outside the scope of this discussion.) In fact, I am seeing less and less of a distinction between boys and men, and I can tell you it isn't because boys are behaving like grown-ups.
The office building in which I work is equipped with shared bathrooms on each floor. The state of the "men's" bathroom on our floor is — and please forgive the following language — fucking disgusting. (Yes, I realize that wasn't very gentlemanlike.) These "men" on my floor act as if this is the first time using a toilet or urinal. Complete and utter disregard for anyone but one's self is the typical attitude of these males. Who cares if anyone wants to use this toilet next? I'll just piss all over the seat and the floor. The urinal? Sure, it's a recommended receptacle of urine, but it's also fine to completely miss and drench the floor. God, these guys must love the odor of this warm, yellow liquid because not only do they make sure it gets everywhere in the bathroom, but they also take a bit of it with them to their office in the crevices of their shoes. (I madly grind the soles of my shoes into the hallway carpet on the way back to my office with such force that I actually lose a bit of height after every trip to bathroom.)
I am not sure exactly how to combat this problem. I have tried making signs: one for over the urinal and another for over the toilet. (Please feel free to print these out and hang them in your local men's bathroom.) My goal with these signs was to raise awareness, but they so far haven't improved the situation. In fact, in what must have been an act of craziness brought on by the urine fumes, I found both of my signs in the sink. But don't worry — I'll print new ones and repost them.
My ideal situation is this: a new bathroom shall be installed with the designation, Gentlemen. Men wishing to use this salle de bains will first have to pass a written test, followed by an observed trial run of said facilities. Should he pass, he will be put on a two-week probation in which the slightest mishap will result in banishment back to the ordinary men's bathroom. Since he did pass the initial tests, he will be allowed to reapply after a one month period. Men who fail either test the first time will not be permitted to try again.
Comments
I must say that I agree totally with your assessment of "men" today. And I quite like the idea of separating myself from the middle of the testosterone stream by referring to, and thinking of, myself as a gentleman. I also quite like your idea about a Gentlemen's room, complete with entrance exam and penalties. The problem with our society (especially in America) is a lack of consequence for irresponsibility. Without men like yourself who stand up and say, "Enough already!" we'll never advance beyond the "bears with furniture" state of male behavior today. - Mark, Saturday, February 19, 2005 |  |
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